These Thoughts
Every now and then this crosses my burdened mind
I do not understand why I think these thoughts
It only makes me cry to feel the thought
That you will never be there.
To see you leave... I could never endure such pain
My eyes fill with tears; my heart aches
You are my best friend, my only true confidant.
Just to think that I will lose you one day
Makes me wish today would never end.
Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere
Like I am being warned... I must get used to the hurt?
Why, if there were such a God, would He be so cruel
To ever take you out of my life?
I have to be selfish about this one
Because you are the only one who does truly care.
You have more love inside your heart
Than all 4 of us put together.
Only you can heal each and every one of our wounds
So why would He deprive us of this?
It would be the greatest punishment one could undergo
If you should ever leave this earth
It would be a much greater joy to die
Than to live a life not knowing how to live
Because you would no longer be here
To guide me through every path that I take.
You have no idea how much I need you
And how much I truly appreciate everything you do for me.
I realize all the things that make you so special
When I have these horrid thoughts
It truly scares me beyond all belief
Because I know I could never go on living
Without you there, watching over me
Like you have done since I was just a babe.
I pray that God will never take you away
I ask of you never to leave
I do not know what I would do
Because you have taught me everything
How to think, love, learn, feel.
Fate is a scary thing, and I plead with it
To make sure you stay around here
At least until I am truly on my own
And able to understand all that goes along with death.